Sherlock Holmes and Career Choices

Briefly, like for five minutes or so, I hosted the fantasy of one day being Sherlock Holmes.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/kndynt2099/5739971866/

Like this. Only with more makeup. 

It was going to be great. I was going to tick people off and run around solving crimes and being more brilliant than everybody else. I thought that this was a good career plan because, generally speaking, when you are more brilliant than everybody else you can usually shame them into doing whatever you want them to do, like bring you pie. So I would never have to drive all the way to the store and buy pie for myself ever again. People would just bring it to my front door, possibly in trucks, and I would never have to leave the house at all. I could sit inside and do more important things, like argue with people over the Internet and watch television. 

Then I realized that being more brilliant than everybody else also meant that people might resent me for it. 

This was when the fantasy started to crumble. 

I realized that I would have to start fearing for my life, which would be a bad thing because I am neurotic enough as it is. This would probably reduce me to hiding out underneath my bed, eating my hair with my comforter pulled over my head muttering reassuring things to myself. Then I would realize that I am claustrophobic and relocate to my closet, which would not make me feel as safe. 

Also, I would have to start doing drugs and alienate everybody and never have any friends. I wasn't too worried about the last two because that is basically how I live right now, but the doing drugs part was slightly concerning, mainly because I am demonic when I drink too much Coca Cola, and I can only imagine what would happen if I put stronger substances into my body. 

Mayhem. Chaos. The end of the universe as we know it. 

That kind of thing. 

So I gave up the idea of being Sherlock Holmes. Forever. 

Now I just want to be Dr. Watson. 

But with better hair.